9 times out of 10, I do not follow my own advice. I encourage women to embrace their sexiness, feel comfortable and confident with their bodies-when I feel unable to do either. I stress the importance of appearing in photos with your children, so they can look back and see you-instead of simply remembering you were the one behind the camera. Yet-that is something I am guilty of doing.
Some of this comes from being picky about what photos I keep, and not trusting my husband with my camera(!)-but more of it is attributed to insecurity.
I am not a confident person. I am a stereotypical introvert and I am uncomfortable in almost every situation-especially when there is attention directed at me (hence why I prefer to be behind the camera!). I am self-conscious, awkward, and painfully shy (to the point where people think I am most likely a snob).
But I am also stubborn!
The other evening, my husband and I were having a deep and meaningful (D&M) about self-worth. I realized that I allow my own to be determined by others. This leads to some super low self-esteem! But it made me ask why? Why do I allow others determine my value? Why do I not trust myself to do it? And, most importantly, how can I change it?
I began by trying to think of things that I do that make me feel good. This was a short list! Anything I came up with only gave me a fleeting feeling of “I am awesome”. So, I had to think outside the box.
I began by actually brushing my hair each day. Yes, that sounds small, and weird that I don’t do it already! I have very long hair, and it has crazy knots-it is so much easier to simply throw it in a bun when I get out of the shower than spend the 30 minutes pulling, cleaning out my brush three times, and the aching arms that come from blowdrying. That helped a little. That small effort made me feel a little less ‘ew’ and more like a human each day.
Next came make-up. I am horrible at it. Terrible. So, I hardly ever wear it-and I especially don’t wear it when I haven’t even brushed my hair! So I tried to just do a little bit. It worked.
I also tried to put on real clothes. I am a pajama girl, and I am always tempted to get back into pajamas after a shower-if I am not going anywhere! I like to be comfy 😉
With these three things happening (most of the time) I felt ready to take another step.
I always have shoot ideas in my head-but no ready access to a model (two boys who only like to make faces at the camera doesn’t help), which leaves me with the option of myself. Yet the thought of being both model and photographer (especially when I do not like photos of myself!) is very daunting, to say the least. After a few fails, sweat (the running back and forth to check the shot is quite the work out!), and many misses, I came up with something that worked-sort of.
After a failed set of lingerie attempts (I don’t recommend taking lingerie selfies before you have showered!), I felt more successful with some clothed shots
Although I only liked a small amount of what I got-it was enough to make me want to try again! Which, is really the entire point
Enjoy *but don’t laugh!*